Joke Of The Day.

Go down

Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:00 am

THE INJURED THUMB

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your d**n thumb out of my food!"

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:00 am

A silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a
Complaint of pains all over her body.

"Be more precise," he said. "So I can help you, try pointing to some of the
places that hurt.

The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, "Ouch!" then her finger to her hip and said, "Ouch!" and then to her rib cage and aid, "Ouch!" again.

The doctor stopped her and asked, "Were you a blonde before your hair grayed"?


"Why yes!" she said excitedly, "But how did you know?"

The Doc answered, "Your fingers broken."

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:00 am

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) xxx-xxxx and ask
for Daisy, I’ll be waiting…

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever female dog.

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:01 am

Reply with quote
Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:
Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty

Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet

Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty

Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock

Monica Cheng
Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks

Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead

Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs

Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lose till death

Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum

Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow

Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt

Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs

Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin

Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long

Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother

Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death

Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails

Pete Tsai
(Hokkien) - Nose droppings

Macy Koh
(Cantonese) - Never die before

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:03 am

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said, "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.

Then Louis who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:11 am

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

- The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

- Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

- Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

- Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

- The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

- The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours”.

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:22 am

Use some imagination to look at this message. It's really funny. This is to
test your English speaking level....

Try reading it aloud."Fanquevallemud".

Its amazing, you will understand the above word by the end of the
conversation......

Read aloud for best results. This has been nominated for best email of 1999.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service at a hotel in Asia.....

Room Service (RS): "Moling! loom sirfesee"

Guest (G): "Yes......"

RS: "Dju witch true odor somefing??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "How July it done peace?"

G: "What??"

RS : "How July it done?... Fi, boy?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Howbow bkan?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "O light. An some DOS?"

G: "What?"

RS: "Dosee. July some DOS?"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'Door-C' means."

RS: "Mmm...............Toes! toes!...

G: "O, you mean Toasts!....No, do you have something else?"

RS: "Howbow ink-ga-nutsu mudfun?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...Mill...all T?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "O light. Seeangle ache, quits P bkan, DOS, mudfun and copy....wite??"

G: "Well....Whatever you say"

RS: "Fanquevallemud!"

G: "You're welcome"

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  vodee on Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:23 am

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*

Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."

*****

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*

The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."

*****

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*

After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's Why."
Wife : ?????????

*****

MUTHU & TOURIST*

A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village...
and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here."

*****

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*

Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg
and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off its second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and
ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."

*****

MUTHU & DRIVER*

When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorized tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."

*****

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*

Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the signboard
"*WASH BASIN* "

*****

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

*****

Oh... Lest I forget ............. the funniest...*

At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned
on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!

vodee

Posts : 20
Join date : 2008-08-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Post  Flettcher on Sun Aug 24, 2008 4:33 pm

Heh lol nice
avatar
Flettcher

Posts : 28
Join date : 2008-08-24
Age : 27
Location : Australia

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  1988fish on Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:18 am

nice

1988fish

Posts : 5
Join date : 2008-08-26

View user profile

Back to top Go down

hahahaha

Post  bloodarcher on Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:27 am

the chinese in christian name is so funny!!!!
avatar
bloodarcher

Posts : 1
Join date : 2008-09-04
Age : 24
Location : malaysia

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Lolz

Post  Flettcher on Mon Sep 15, 2008 3:41 pm

Okay. Whats 1 + 1 =




First person to get this right will get 10mill meso wen im on next lolz



(note: haz exam's 17-19 of september)
avatar
Flettcher

Posts : 28
Join date : 2008-08-24
Age : 27
Location : Australia

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Joke Of The Day.

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum